Step 1: Awareness
Everything starts with awareness. Before you continue reading, I want you to be open. This means: be open to the new ideas and methods that I will teach you. You have to be coachable and be willing to absorb a new paradigm for any of the following to sink in!
Step 2: Understand that every interaction in life is a negotiation
And being seen and recognized can literally mean life or death.
Consider this: you negotiate when you’re walking down the street! Without even knowing it, you’re negotiating with people sharing the sidewalk with you, as well as the cars crossing the road. You’re negotiating how much space you will take up and where you’re headed, versus how much space they will take up and where they are headed. You HAVE TO make sure you’re seen, otherwise you’ll get hurt if you get hit by a car or another passerby!
The earlier you can acknowledge that negotiation is everywhere in our lives, and that getting better at it can only benefit you, the more open you will be about mastering this skill. You owe it to yourself to be seen and recognized!
Step 3: Identify when you self sabotage (because you do)
How did you feel the last time you were in a negotiation meeting?
How did you stress out about it?
How nervous were you, and who did you talk to about this? What did you say about it?
Humans are programmed to be afraid; it’s human nature. This is what saved us from dinosaurs and mountain lions 2000 years ago. However, the fear that we can’t articulate our worth and thus jeopardize our own promotions is a modern, exaggerated fear. We give negotiations a disproportionate weight in our minds, and make it a bigger deal than it really is. In short, we self-sabotage!
Here’s the quickest, band-aid way to short circuit yourself right now: take a deep breath while counting to 10. For extra credit: write down the answers to the 3 questions above. It’s important to be aware of how you react PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY to these challenges, so you can spot how you are being when you’re trying to articulate your worth.
Step 4: Know where you want to go, and know where you are now
We can’t get you to where you want to go, if you can’t articulate what that looks like. We also can’t get you to where you want to go, if you don’t know where you are now.
Can you articulate these two pieces clearly? For example, how do you want to be recognized? How much money do you want to ask for? How much are you paid now, and how much is that below market-value?
If you can’t, we also need to spend time on this so we can get you clear on this!
Step 5: Separate the facts from the story
It’s easy to get emotional when we’re advocating for ourselves (especially if we have managers or supervisors who are not supportive of us). The best way to get around this is to SEPARATE THE FACTS of how you’ve been performing at work from the STORY and EMOTIONS that you feel about it.
The last thing we want to be is let our emotions run wild in the meeting, which is why this piece of preparation is so important.
What are examples of good work that you’ve done in the last 30/60/90 days? If you don’t have a work diary, where you log what you do EVERY DAY, I suggest that you start one IMMEDIATELY. Make sure you document what your project entails, who you worked with, who the project stakeholders were, how long the project took, and what your impact was.
Step 6: Plan the conversations
The biggest mistake that I see people make is think that being recognized and rewarded your worth is a one-time event or a one-time meeting. The entire process will take many meetings, many conversations, even emails, all the while you’re still high-performing at your job that you will need to manage.
Work backwards and map out when you will need to say what.
For example, if you know that the next promotion cycle is coming up in 3 months, and you have 2 one-on-one meetings with your manager every month, you should plan to bring up feedback on your work for one meeting, and use the other meeting to talk about promotion expectations.
You should only have access to this page if we’ve already had our 15-min Clarity Call, or if I’ve connected with you on LinkedIn. I am here to help! If you have any questions about this guide, make sure to write those down and bring those to me at our next call!
